Holiday shopping: Internet-Style

5 Dec

Yesterday I took advantage of my home-body tendencies and jumped into the holiday spirit – my way.

By which I mean: I glued my ass into my recliner, lit a fire, and – between bites of cheddar bacon mashed potatoes – knocked out my holiday shopping.

First, can I tell you how much I love Etsy? I lost myself there. For – no exaggeration – three hours. While it wouldn’t be my first stop for a family member, it’s a great place to shop for stocking stuffers, hostess favors or staff gifts. Or for me.

I was able to restrain myself, but here’s what I have in motion from Etsy:

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The best thing since sliced bread…

4 Dec

…would be a toaster that toasts sliced bread. Without burning it.

I just bought a toaster oven two weeks ago, making it the first toaster I’ve owned as an adult. You would think that if I managed without one for the 11 years I’ve lived alone, there would be no need to suddenly break down and join the toasting party.

You would be wrong.

There were two main drivers behind this purchase: 1) I feel guilty when I heat my entire oven to heat something for all of 8 minutes (like a frozen pizza), and 2) I have been craving cinnamon toast a lot lately. Because I have the palette of a ten year old.

I bought the smallest toaster oven I could find, hoping for something that didn’t chew up too much counter space. While I’m thrilled with the size of my model, I’m less thrilled with its temperament. It seems to have two settings: OFF and BURN.

In the two weeks I’ve owned it, I have ruined two frozen belgian waffles and a tray of spinach puff pastry hors d’ouvres. That might not sound like much, but it’s 50% of what I’ve attempted to heat.

And my place is permeated with a burning/charred smell to such and extent that it’s becoming my personal fragrance. I’m pretty sure that at yoga last weekend, shortly after I walked into the studio I heard someone say, “What’s that burning smell?”

If that happens today, I’m prepared: I’ll hand her a lifesaver and say, “I think it’s your breath.”

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Random Thought: I need some transcendental medication.

29 Nov

Over the weekend I started battling some kind of bug. Since I have to travel for work this week, I decided to throw everything at it.

I slept a ton. I drank a pitcher of orange juice. I doubled my vitamin intake. I practically bathed in green tea. I flushed my sinuses with a neti pot. And I went to yoga for a restorative practice with the thought that it might help stimulate my lymph production. (Um, yes. I might not go in for astrology or some of the other freaky shit, but I definitely will give a nod to natural/holistic remedies when it comes to health.)

So last night I went to yoga and had a few very random – and not very zen – thoughts. Without further ado…

Ugh. This is stupid. I should be home under a blanket.

I wonder if I’ll make anyone else sick?

I should try not to look sick so people won’t get upset with me for being here.

I bet I have “sick breath.”

I’m really glad they have a bowl of lifesavers in each classroom.

That’s a nice touch.

They should also have a bowl of BeanO.

How funny would that be?

I wonder if that guy with uncontrollable farts switched studios.

Or maybe he wasn’t embarrassed. He didn’t seem to be.

If I lost control like that, I think I’d be mortified.

I wonder if anyone would recognize me after that?

I don’t think I’d recognize that guy in a police line-up.

I guess I could always cut my hair rather than switch studios.

It’s funny how people often identify people based on their hair.

And now, as I look at this, I realize: 80% of my blog content is about farts, yoga or farts at yoga. Perhaps in 2011 I will rename it “PithyPants and Stinky Mats.”

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I guess I’m too ADHD for the movies.

28 Nov

I can count on one hand the number of times Alan and I have gone to out to a movie in the past year. In fact, even if I accidentally reached into a operational garbage disposal at the wrong moment, I’m pretty sure I’d still have enough digits left to represent our movie tally for the year. We just rarely do it, even though I have a stack of free movie passes from my credit card’s reward program.

Anyway, last night we decided to check out the new Harry Potter movie, and I realized: I am horrifically out of practice of viewing a movie in a public place. I’m just not good at it.

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I have the Christmas spirit, but my car – just has Spirits.

23 Nov

This weekend I decided to tackle some Christmas shopping on Saturday, thinking myself clever for beating the masses.

I started by heading to Eastern Market on Capitol Hill, where the outdoor artists are set up. I got there fine – but then ended up circling for a parking space for 20 minutes before announcing, “You know what, Eastern Market? I got a big ‘F’ and and big ‘U’ here for ya. Merry Christmas,” and speeding away without exiting my car.

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