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I’ve got your Swiss Cake Rolls right HERE.

9 Sep

With an almost six year age difference between us, my sister and I didn’t have much use for each other when we were growing up. We were kind of like Beezus and Ramona. Fortunately, as adults, through the wonder of modern technology, we’ve discovered that we share the same demented sense of humor.

We often chat each other on Facebook in the evening, discussing scenes or dialogue to include in our screenplay. [Note: we don’t actually have a screenplay, but we’re convinced that if we could just focus, we’d be able to give the Cohen Bros. a run for their money.]

Recently Alicia switched her profile photo to this image of Little Debbie:

So wholesome.

I think the impetus for this was that she had served a box of Swiss Cake Rolls for dinner the night before. (Dinner, not dessert.)

On Facebook chat, the person’s profile photo shows up next to every comment they make, and it was cracking me up to chat with this little farm girl wearing a hat. To enhance the visual exchange, I switched my profile photo to this:

Wholly awesome.

Now whenever we chat, it looks like I’m on brink of punching Little Debbie. Which brings me no end of amusement.

See what I mean:

 <–New profile photo = “Welcome to the gun show. Prepare for some kidney thumping.”

 Little Debbie says, “Eat my Swiss Cake Roll.”

  RR says, “F*ck your Swiss Cake Roll.”

  Now that’s just potty talk there, Miss Rosie.

  Rosie don’t have time for pleasantries.

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A few photos, because I’m pressed for time.

23 Aug

Sorry! I’m at the airport about to board, so no time to wrap up the cliffhanger. Instead, I’ll distract you with a few photos while I fly.

Feeding the 'roos at Featherdale.

I scream, you scream, ROOS scream for ice cream!

 

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TGIF: Light on the writing, heavy on the 12-yr old humor

15 Jul

A few months back I proposed creating a Rorschach test to screen potential co-workers for a sense of humor. Today I present another quiz, to see which of my friends think like a twelve-year old.

First, my friend Shannon recently posted this photo to Facebook. What do you see?

"Careful, Dale. It's looking a bit swollen."

Apparently it was a painting on the wall in a Mexican restaurant. Shannon’s comment was, “Hmmmm is all I have to say.”

For once, I agree. I think it speaks for itself.

(Now, for fun, try to think of a caption for it. I guarantee you’ll crack yourself up. Please share suggestions in the comments.)

If you’re scratching your head, saying, “What? What is so funny about a horse getting shoed?” then don’t even bother watching this video:

I can’t decide what the lesson is here. That assumptions are bad? Or hilarious?

In any case, happy Friday.

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It’s already paid for itself and we haven’t even planted it.

16 Jun

One of my colleagues received a George Washington Chia Head as a gift for Christmas. It has been sitting in a box on his desk for months, begging to be re-gifted. After a glass of work-place wine, we all decided to open the box and get the Office Chia started.

I’ve never owned a Chia Pet before, so I’m absurdly excited. When I saw its claim that it will be fully-grown in two weeks, I made a bold decision:

“You know the guy who took his own picture every day for eight years?” I asked.

My colleagues nodded. “Well, get ready to give it a run for its money. Because we will take a picture of Chia George every day until it’s fully grown. Except on weekends.”

I could tell they were pretty impressed with my commitment to the project, based on the silence that followed.

Or maybe they were just thinking, “But then we’ll have to watch our chia start young and awkward, have a brief hottie period, then end up looking like a bike courier who refuses to groom himself.”

Or maybe that’s just my take on the photo guy.

Regardless, upon examining the contents of the box, my excitement was dashed. No one warned me that there would be PAPERWORK involved! Ack!

Apparently, it’s important to register your Chia. (Because someone might steal it? Not sure.)

Here’s a photo of the form:

Paperwork like this is why I've never adopted a baby.

Continue reading →

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It would’ve looked better with a flash.

23 May

Oh. I also made the bowl, bitchez.

Tonight I had a “clean out the fridge” dinner that ended exceptionally well. So well that I felt compelled to post it on Facebook, jot down the recipe (so I don’t forget it in a drunken stupor) and snap a photo of it with my phone before eating. Wow. Pretty ambitious for a Monday, don’t you think?

Anyway, here’s the recipe, straight off the press, as I remember it.

Clean The Fridge Stuffed Pork Chops

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Butterfly pork chops.

Prepare five bowls:

  1. Diced arugula drizzled with lemon juice.
  2. Freshly grated parmesan cheese. Maybe a few cubes of mozzarella if you have it on hand.
  3. Whisked egg white.
  4. Bread crumbs (salted and peppered).
  5. Diced rehydrated sundried tomatoes seasoned with dried basil and oregano. (Or, you can totally substitute tomato pasta sauce with basil – but go light on it.)

Stuff each porkchop with arugula, cheese, a dollop of tomato “sauce,” then pass through egg whites and bread crumbs.

Top with any shredded parmesan that is left. The more, the better.

Bake uncovered for about 55 minutes on 350 on a rack. You can also put asparagus (with olive oil, parmesan and salt) on the rack for the same amount of time.

YUM.

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