It’s already paid for itself and we haven’t even planted it.

16 Jun

One of my colleagues received a George Washington Chia Head as a gift for Christmas. It has been sitting in a box on his desk for months, begging to be re-gifted. After a glass of work-place wine, we all decided to open the box and get the Office Chia started.

I’ve never owned a Chia Pet before, so I’m absurdly excited. When I saw its claim that it will be fully-grown in two weeks, I made a bold decision:

“You know the guy who took his own picture every day for eight years?” I asked.

My colleagues nodded. “Well, get ready to give it a run for its money. Because we will take a picture of Chia George every day until it’s fully grown. Except on weekends.”

I could tell they were pretty impressed with my commitment to the project, based on the silence that followed.

Or maybe they were just thinking, “But then we’ll have to watch our chia start young and awkward, have a brief hottie period, then end up looking like a bike courier who refuses to groom himself.”

Or maybe that’s just my take on the photo guy.

Regardless, upon examining the contents of the box, my excitement was dashed. No one warned me that there would be PAPERWORK involved! Ack!

Apparently, it’s important to register your Chia. (Because someone might steal it? Not sure.)

Here’s a photo of the form:

Paperwork like this is why I've never adopted a baby.

I know, you’re still reeling that a Chia Head comes with a product registration form. Let’s move past that, because there are a few things I find even more interesting.

  1. What do statues, dead guys and Hillary Clinton have in common? Apparently — unlike Obama — they only come in one pose. In other news: I hadn’t realized that “determined” and “happy” are mutually exclusive looks.
  2. Interesting that this product card is asking me about my favorite aspects of the Obama head — considering I’m looking at George Washington’s bust in real life.
  3. And I think we know what answer they want us to select in response to that question, given that we have TWO options to choose “Makes Me Feel Proud.”
  4. Also, has owning a Chia Pet ever evoked pride in a person? Other than the person who made millions off inventing the Chia Pet?
  5. Along those same lines, I would like to meet the person who need only look as far as their Chia to find hope. Because if that exists, I suspect we’ll have some pharmaceutical companies trying to get them regulated by the FDA.
  6. Separately: does the Obama model actually come with a color changing torch? I’m not sure what they mean by that, but I’m thinking it’s racist. Oh, wait, or a hold-over from the Statue of Liberty registration card.
  7. Displaying a bald Chia George? I hadn’t given that much thought, but I’m open to suggestions.
  8. Finally, something about proposing a Palin Chia under the “Proud to Be an American” line just seems wrong.

All right. I already feel a little more patriotic just looking at him. And hopeful. And I’m pretty sure that once I successfully get the chias to grow on his head, I’ll feel more than a wee bit proud.

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