Alan and I spend Christmas apart each year, so we celebrate on New Year’s Eve instead. Depending on the timing, we like to make a long weekend of it and get away. This year he had his kids for the weekend, so we needed to limit our celebration to just Thursday night. Add to the equation the fact that some dumbass thought it would be a good idea to schedule the Cotton Bowl (in which our beloved Spartans were playing) on New Year’s Eve, so we a bit perplexed about how to celebrate.
What to do, what to do?
Actually, I decided this was the perfect set-up for an easy Christmas present. Since neither of us own a television, and since every bar that might broadcast the game was likely to have either a cover charge or be filled with rowdy party goers, the answer was clear: STAYCATION.
I did a bit of searching and found that – much to my surprise – most hotels in the DC area were running serious discounts on New Year’s Eve. Apparently we don’t have quite the same draw as Times Square. (Who knew?) PERFECT.
So when we wrapped work Thursday afternoon, we checked into a hotel for the night. We took a quick walk to a nearby grocery store for some wine and nibbles, then returned to the hotel for a swim and a spell in the steam room before the game. As 8pm approached, we donned his-and-her Spartan shirts and settled in to watch what would be a very disappointing game. (If you are the only person in the US who didn’t watch it, Alabama throttled the Spartans, 38-0.)
Needless to say, I was asleep LONG before the clock struck midnight.
The next day we made our way downstairs for breakfast, which was included with our stay. It was a leisurely meal, the kind with multiple coffee refills.
Alan had an omelette, and as he stood by that station of the buffet, I could hear him chatting with the chef.
“Where are you visiting from?” the chef asked.
“We’re local,” Alan explained, “We just don’t have a television and wanted to see the Cotton Bowl last night.”
“Oh,” was all the guy said as he handed Alan his plate.
Back at our table, once Alan sat down, I said, “I bet they’re all scratching their heads right now.”
“Why?” he asked.
“Because they’re thinking, ‘How can you afford to stay here if you can’t afford a television?'”
We then proceeded to debate the idea and eventually decided that my interpretation of the conversation was crazy, because pretty much everyone in the United States who wants a television, has a television. Right?
Later, as we were wrapping up our meal, the waiter stopped by to drop off the check. I peeked. The total was outrageous.
“Sorry,” I said, “This should be comped for us. We had the bed and breakfast package.”
“Oh,” he said, “I’m sorry. I got confused! When he,” pointing to Alan, “said you were local, I thought you just came here for breakfast.”
“No,” I explained. “We spent the night here so we could watch the Cotton Bowl. We don’t have a television at home and wanted to watch the Spartans play.”
He looked at me, and I could see his wheels turning. Then, after a short pause, he said, “You know, I have an extra television. I’ve been thinking of getting rid of it…”
I stopped him, not sure where he was going with it. “Oh no – we don’t have a television by choice! We don’t want one.”
Silence.
He didn’t know what to make of us.
After some consideration, he tried a different angle. “You know you can jailbreak your phone so you can watch television on it? There are videos on YouTube that show you how. People used to pay me to do that for them, but now anyone can figure it out on YouTube. You know YouTube?”
We assured him we did, and only after we asked enough questions to satisfy him, did he walk away to adjust our check.
I turned to Alan. “Wait. Exactly what was on offer there? Do you think he was about to try to sell us a television?”
Alan nodded. “Oh definitely. And even worse? He thinks we don’t even know what YouTube is.”
Sigh. So much for a creative Christmas present. Maybe next year I’ll just get Alan a television. I happen to know where I can get a good deal on one…
pithypants 
That game was excruciating to watch. But they had a good year, and made it to the Cotton Bowl so I forgive them. Someone was going to lose, just wish is wasn’t a total thrashing. I didn’t make it to midnight, either, but I was wearing my Spartan pajamas when I hit the rack.
I’m trying to imagine a life without television. My husband and I would have to talk! We have taken to reading a lot, listening to music, and we do watch things on the computer (and sometimes the phone!!). I like the news and Jeopardy, most of the rest of it stinks. I wonder if the tv was really his to sell, or maybe he helps himself to the hotels inventory?
I bought my husband a tv for Christmas, he’d been wanting one because he “couldn’t read all that small print” for his sports stations on our old set. God forbid he get his eyes checked…
YAY for Spartan pjs! I agree – great season overall, and it’s impressive that they MADE it to the Cotton Bowl. I’d just like to hand it to Saban for once since he abandoned our program back in the 1990s.
And I like that a new television was easier than getting Sweet Cheeks to go to the eye doctor. Stubborn men!
I would love to go back to not having television. We grew up without one, my father wanted to save or minds. I feel foolish for ever buying one.
Nah – at least you can participate in water cooler talk. I just stand there confused most of the time.
I get the same reaction when people find out I don’t subscribe to cable. It’s like we shun electricity or something. 😐
Right? Though really you can find whatever you want online any way, so if it matters you can find it.
True. 🙂
Nice. I barely had time to read this since I have so much backlogged TV to watch, but thanks for the break 😉
Smartass.