Sorry. Can’t be bothered to come up with a theme.

6 Oct

I have a half-dozen, half-baked posts that I just don’t have the attention span to finish. So instead, I’ll regale you with snippets.

Snippet #1:

On Friday I made fresh tortilla soup for dinner. The recipe called for a diced jalapeño, so I went to town on the pepper. Unfortunately, my allergies were also going to town, which apparently caused me to brush my nose/mouth at some point after I’d finished chopping.

Alan arrived home from work to find me in tears (from an especially pungent chopped onion), ranting that my face felt like fire ants were attacking it. Pretty sure neither of us wants me to bookmark that recipe for a repeat performance.

Snippet #2:

At work, my battle with the woman who pees on the toilet seat continues. Last week I had to pass over three separate stalls because they had either been dribbled on or had a paper toilet seat cover still stuck to the toilet. Enraged might be a tad strong to describe my reaction, but it was enough to prompt me to post the following sign in the bathroom:

© 2013

And guess what? No more pee on the seat for the rest of the week. Uh-mazing. Apparently she can read. Just not wipe.

Snippet #3

Alan and I picked his kids up yesterday for his mom’s birthday celebration. On the ride to their house, this was the conversation:

Son (playing a video game): Sweet! I just made this camel spit!

Daughter: I’ve seen a camel.

Um, happy birthday?

Um, happy birthday?

Me: Did it spit?

Daughter: No, but it had diarrhea.

Me: Seriously? Where was this?

Daughter: At my friend’s birthday party.

Me: Were you guys at the zoo?

Daughter: No. They had a petting zoo thing come to their house.

Me: So a camel had diarrhea in your friend’s backyard?

Daughter: Uh-huh. It was gross.

Me: That’s awesome.

Son: Now I’m riding a cockatrice!

Me: Was there one of THOSE at the birthday party?

3 Responses to “Sorry. Can’t be bothered to come up with a theme.”

  1. thesinglecell October 6, 2013 at 6:55 pm #

    Do we work at the same place? Because I had the same rant the other day! HOW HARD IS IT TO CHECK AND WIPE?!

    • pithypants October 6, 2013 at 8:18 pm #

      Want me to email you a full-sized version of that sign? I’m starting an entire series. Next up: Rosie the Riveter. (We can do it! By which I mean: not pee on toilet seats.)

      Also? In my case, the person peeing on the toilet seat isn’t my colleague. It’s someone who works in my building but has nothing to do with my office. And you? You work for a university, so odds are good it’s a student rather than an employee, right? (I hope.)

      In any event, I’m going to lay a ScoobyDoo-style trap. Just can’t decide if I should use a “free Nascar tickets” or “free pony” ruse to bait the offender.

      • thesinglecell October 7, 2013 at 7:01 am #

        No students on my floor of my building. I like this series you’ve got going. Who else? Spike Lee to urge them to do the right thing? Marvin Gaye to ask them what’s goin’ on? And I’m curious as to how this reward system of yours will work… “Free tickets to the first person to pee on this seat”?

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