No vacation goes unpunished

10 Sep

Before I regale you with tales of New Scotland, I’d like to tell you what I came home to…

I dumped my suitcase on the floor of my kitchen, since that’s where the laundry is. I started running the water and sorting the clothes into piles. I poured myself a glass of water. I added my clothes to the washer. I noticed that I’d spilled some water on the floor when I’d replaced the Britta pitcher.

I started working. I checked the laundry. I realized the floor was still wet. I wiped it up. I checked the laundry. I noticed water beading up on the grout between the tiles of my kitchen floor. I knelt down. I heard the tiles squish when I pressed them. I saw more water bead up on the grout.

I flipped my shit.

I’ll save you a play-by-play of the calls I made, notes I wrote and emails I sent, all trying to coordinate a plumber, update the property manager and check with neighbors for water damage. Let’s just agree: I was thorough, conscientious, and efficient. And I still managed to log a ten hour work day. I’m sure that was child’s play to Ann Romney. But Michelle knows what I’m talking about.

The plumber was awesome. He sounded like a good, rural guy who knows pipes and hates the city. We had a fifteen minute chat on the phone while I walked around, shutting off all the water valves in my place. He was stunned to learn I had a tankless water heater. “It’s electric?” he asked. I confirmed.

“Are your showers cold?” he continued. I told him they were warm.

“But you run out of hot water, right?” he asked. I told him I did not. And that I actually had the larger model, which meant TWO people could shower simultaneously in my bathrooms and not run out of water.

“Well, I’ll be!” he exclaimed. “This I gotta see. I’ve only seen the gas ones, and all I hear are complaints.” He paused. “Say – is your place fancy?”

I hope he drives this.

I assured him it was not. “My place is SMALL. The only way to squeeze an extra closet out of it was by moving to a tankless heater, I explained.

In any case, by the time we hung up, he’d agreed to come to my place first thing in the morning. He claims it’s to help end my leak, but really, I know it’s so he can look at the tankless heater. Whatever it takes.

So tonight, I’m sitting here, legs crossed, wishing I could flush my toilet. I have a Britta filter of water I’ll use to brush my teeth.

And a pile of dirty clothes on the floor reminding me what an awesome vacation I had.

9 Responses to “No vacation goes unpunished”

  1. Alicia September 11, 2012 at 8:50 am #

    I feel like if I give this 5 stars, I’m showing a sadistic side.

    • pithypants September 12, 2012 at 7:45 pm #

      Even so, I’m surprised you held back.

  2. thesinglecell September 11, 2012 at 10:34 am #

    Ohhhhhhhh noooooo….. I’m confused – do you own or rent?
    In any case: the line about FLOTUS cracked me up, and I really do hope your plumber drives that truck. Because that? Would be. AWESOME.

    • pithypants September 12, 2012 at 7:44 pm #

      FLOTUS? Like POTUS? I think you make me funnier than I am!

      • thesinglecell September 12, 2012 at 10:53 pm #

        That’s what they call her. First Lady of the United States. FLOTUS. It’s a real term.

      • pithypants September 13, 2012 at 7:47 am #

        How do I live in DC and not know this? Also? Just me or do POTUS and FLOTUS sound kind of dirty?

  3. dianeskitchentable September 13, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

    Now that really stinks. I once had a clog that caused the washer to drain out through my toilet. Didn’t even really know it was happening until I was thinking…why is the dog drinking in the back hallway – there’s no water there. Oh yeah, there was & lots more.
    As for Ann, you crack me up! Do you know how much plumbing she’s got to worry about?

    • pithypants September 15, 2012 at 9:49 am #

      I’m not sure *Ann* knows – they can’t even count all their houses right?

      • dianeskitchentable September 15, 2012 at 5:23 pm #

        Nah – they’ve got accountants that count all that stuff. I was wondering when they were going to pull out the Ann Mitt’s for All Women card…just a few weeks ago as it turns out. I just feel her pain. When I got diagnosed with MS I must not having been listening to the doctor tell me I could buy an Olympic horse & that dressage could be part of my treatment plan. Ah, best not to get me going on the Romney’s. We had them here in Massachusetts long enough. I’d say 4 yrs. but he spent zero days in the state his last year. As George Bush so eloquently said, “fool me once, fool me…well…ummm…you’re just not gonna fool me again.

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