Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day. I probably didn’t need to tell you that, did I? (I can picture you, still lying in bed, reading this with a mild hangover, disgusted that there is a green stain on your pillow from where you drooled green beer in your sleep. Sound about right?)
Well, as it turns out: I’m old, and St. Patty’s Day only served to underline how old.
Here is a list of random observations that tell me I’m starting to resemble that lady (Edna?) on the Shoebox greeting cards.
- I went to yoga in the morning. On my way, every person I passed was either toting a six-pack of beer or wearing a bar-crawl wristband. Did I mention I was going to yoga?
The only green I wore was an MSU hoodie, because the Spartans are playing this weekend.- I got so immersed reading a book in Dupont Circle that when I heard bagpipes I thought it was a funeral procession.
- People-watching led me to tweet: “If you can’t walk in those shoes when you’re sober, then they were probably an especially poor pick for a pub crawl.”
- I saw a few dogs wearing shamrock bandanas around their necks and thought it was cute. But I’m so practical, I sent Alan a text saying, “I really want to adopt a cat today – who’s with me?” Because old people know they don’t have the energy for a dog.
- I googled “Irish Step Dancers” because I actually wanted to see some Riverdance action.
- I prepared and filed my taxes. With my window open. While watching my neighbors play beer pong on their deck.
- Four young-looking people showed up in Dupont Circle and did and awkward clap-dance to promote some show they’re putting on. I assumed they were just four drunk kids who lost a bet until I googled the name on their t-shirts. Turns out they’re Georgetown students. Here is their group’s logo, which I think looks like either a stylized animal face or some kind of vagina-labyrinth:
The kicker? Even Obama (O’Bama?) hit a local Irish bar to have a Guinness. I’m getting out-paced – both in my bracket picks AND the St. Patrick’s Day scene by someone 13 years older than me. At least I can find solace in knowing that I have a better job.
pithypants 
Go Green! I’ll be wearing my green today to support my alma mater – didn’t even bother with it yesterday. I am too old to get jacked out of shape for St. Patty’s day – besides, I’m Irish all year long.
I think you mean Maxine, who is my heroine.
Though I lived in Ohio for six years, I say the MSU hoodie is a legit wearin’ o’ the green. Did you get the cat? (Also, Shoebox Lady’s name is Maxine. Just, you know, for future reference. I don’t know why I know this.)
Maxine! I must’ve been thinking of Dame Edna.