I hope you have a hangover.

18 Mar

Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day. I probably didn’t need to tell you that, did I? (I can picture you, still lying in bed, reading this with a mild hangover, disgusted that there is a green stain on your pillow from where you drooled green beer in your sleep. Sound about right?)

Well, as it turns out: I’m old, and St. Patty’s Day only served to underline how old.

Here is a list of random observations that tell me I’m starting to resemble that lady (Edna?) on the Shoebox greeting cards.

  • I went to yoga in the morning. On my way, every person I passed was either toting a six-pack of beer or wearing a bar-crawl wristband. Did I mention I was going to yoga?
  • The only green I wore was an MSU hoodie, because the Spartans are playing this weekend.
  • I got so immersed reading a book in Dupont Circle that when I heard bagpipes I thought it was a funeral procession.
  • People-watching led me to tweet: “If you can’t walk in those shoes when you’re sober, then they were probably an especially poor pick for a pub crawl.”
  • I saw a few dogs wearing shamrock bandanas around their necks and thought it was cute. But I’m so practical, I sent Alan a text saying, “I really want to adopt a cat today – who’s with me?” Because old people know they don’t have the energy for a dog.
  • I googled “Irish Step Dancers” because I actually wanted to see some Riverdance action.
  • I prepared and filed my taxes. With my window open. While watching my neighbors play beer pong on their deck.
  • Four young-looking people showed up in Dupont Circle and did and awkward clap-dance to promote some show they’re putting on. I assumed they were just four drunk kids who lost a bet until I googled the name on their t-shirts. Turns out they’re Georgetown students. Here is their group’s logo, which I think looks like either a stylized animal face or some kind of vagina-labyrinth:

The kicker? Even Obama (O’Bama?) hit a local Irish bar to have a Guinness. I’m getting out-paced – both in my bracket picks AND the St. Patrick’s Day scene by someone 13 years older than me. At least I can find solace in knowing that I have a better job.

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3 Responses to “I hope you have a hangover.”

  1. k8edid March 18, 2012 at 6:24 am #

    Go Green! I’ll be wearing my green today to support my alma mater – didn’t even bother with it yesterday. I am too old to get jacked out of shape for St. Patty’s day – besides, I’m Irish all year long.

    I think you mean Maxine, who is my heroine.

  2. thesinglecell March 19, 2012 at 12:27 am #

    Though I lived in Ohio for six years, I say the MSU hoodie is a legit wearin’ o’ the green. Did you get the cat? (Also, Shoebox Lady’s name is Maxine. Just, you know, for future reference. I don’t know why I know this.)

    • pithypants March 26, 2012 at 7:08 pm #

      Maxine! I must’ve been thinking of Dame Edna.

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