I’m tempted to start a short film project featuring the concierge in my office building. She’s a heavy set woman in her mid-forties, and she clearly hates her job. Or me. One of the two.
I’m generally friendly to strangers. I go out of my way to say hi in the elevator. I strike up conversations over the bathroom sink. I ask cashiers how their day is going and actually listen to the answer. I figure we’re all in this together, so why not get to know each other a bit?
Apparently the concierge disagrees with my approach. Every time I greet her in passing, she gives me a stare that borders on hostile — a stare that I would probably reserve for people whose incompetence negatively and directly impacted my day. Oh, and she never actually answers me, even when I frame up the exchange with a question.
“Good weekend?” I’ll ask on Monday morning. She stares back as if I formed the words using Pig Latin.
I’ve gathered that she does speak English, because there are sometimes people hanging out talking to her. But for whatever reason, she’s decided she doesn’t want anything to do with me.
Bless her heart – that’s not the best approach to take with me. Because my response to that? Game On.
Fine line between a concierge and an animatronic chicken.
Case in point: Today, heading out for lunch, when I stepped off the elevator, she was in the middle of a huge yawn and we locked eyes. So as I walked by, I tapped her desk and said, “Late night?!” and winked at her. (No response, btw.)
Other days, I’ll make comments that are ludicrous – like whipping in from a downpour and commenting, “Been outside lately? It’s gorgeous!” without a trace of sarcasm.
And still: no response. I’m beginning to think she’s an Animatronic Concierge that our property management company leased from Chuck E. Cheese.
Each day I plan to get a bit more ridiculous in my attempts to engage her, just to see what will happen. In my mind, I’ve gone as far as to imagine walking in pantless and asking her if she can recommend a dry cleaner. Or bringing in a cat in a cat carrier filled with squirrels.
Because those are the places my mind goes. That’s normal, right?
I just can’t understand why she won’t be my friend.
pithypants 
Perhaps she trained with those deadpan guards at Buckingham Palace?
Only one way to find out! I’ll take my camera and ask someone to snap my photo next to her.
You should talk to her in a made up language. She’d love that.
Good thinking. I’ll just spout jibberish and see if it provokes a reaction.
Oh my this made me laugh! I love the way you think. Keep working on her!! Even if she never comes around, it’s good for a laugh. or two!
You might not want her for a friend. I worked with an engineering firm for 2 years who only put temps in the concierge/receptionist slot because they all seemed to hate their job and get surlier and surlier until they would be replaced after 4-7 months. I couldn’t figure out why, so when a nice new one came in, I made friends almost right away. Then she started telling me how rude and demanding people were to her. Finally, I could understand why people didn’t like the job, but then I had to listen to daily complaints for the remainder of the 6 months she lasted.
When I explained how much money her long commute reduced her pay-nothing compensation, she found a similar job much closer to home. I didn’t try to make friends again.
Get her a box of choc’s and gift wrap them, hand them to her, smile , say nothing , and walk away, see what she does next time.
I’m so twisted that I live for moments like these. I’d do nothing but plan shenanigans that were so calculated they could be called ‘Shakespearean.”
I think I might need a boyfriend.
Or a box of tacks, a few water balloons, and a delivery from the ACME Company.
This might be a bit tricky, but if you catch her doing her job well (whatever she does), send an email to her complimenting her and copy her supervisor. Tell her you’ve instituted an unofficial office policy of recognizing the good work around the office. Of course, you can’t just target her or she’ll think you’re stalking her for reasons only her twisted mind can come up with.
If this doesn’t work, she may be an alien and I’d just keep my distance… 😉
Oh Lorna, you optimist. I live to catch people doing something right. In this case, I think I would have to pull up a chair and observe an eight hour shift to see her do anything other than stare at people as they enter the building.
There are too many people like that out there in the world. And it can’t possibly be you, because you’re clearly fabulous and all that. I wonder how she is to other people?
Every now and then I meet someone who just doesn’t like me right off the bat, and I keep wondering what I ever did to make this person not like me. Who knows? Maybe I just look like someone else they hate.
I’m thinking that this one’s never going to come around. Especially as long as you keep being super nice to her, haha!
Actually, I just think she’s miserable, because yesterday I saw another woman greet her, only to receive the same look of hatred. Made me feel a wee bit better, but no less committed to drawing her out of her hate-shaped shell.
Guaranteed she’s reading this, hahahahaha
Actually, I’m not convinced she can read. But I’ll find out when I present her with a “SuperStar” card next Friday!
Ok that is awesome. I love your determination. I posted a blog yesterday about asking ppl how their day went. I hate when they give way to much information so maybe you should walk up to her and be like “how are you today? I’m so much better now that I have got rid of my diahrreas”. 😉
Funny Sara, I was thinking about this post when I read yours. We can’t win for losing, huh? TMI or look of death…hmmm…are those my only choices?
I’d walk by next time and say “I know your secret, don’t think I don’t”……hahahhaha
Pay a friend to go up to her and say, “Oh [fake name], I haven’t seen you in years!” and throw their arms around her. If that doesn’t get her talking, nothing will.