Yesterday would have been Ronald Reagan’s 100th birthday, so NPR ran a story discussing his life and legacy. It was a generous, human look at an actor-turned-politician.
From what I hear, people apparently adore the man. I won’t say anything beyond that, because my last few attempts to write a sentence ended up with: a) an essay about Alzheimer’s, and b) imagining how I would feel about a puppy becoming the POTUS. While both are debatably relevant to this post, neither is especially helpful nor likely to endear me to you, my patient readers.
So what I learned while listening to NPR’s profile that was REALLY fascinating to me is that Reagan allegedly pulled 77 people out of the water when he was a lifeguard. (They interviewed #70, who said that “Dutch” was a really great guy.)
A few observations…
Image by Frank Uyttenhove. Visit his work at http://www.frankuyttenhove.com.
First: SEVENTY SEVEN. Again: 77! Let’s think about that for a moment. That’s a shit-ton of people who can’t swim or otherwise don’t belong near water. What are they THINKING? I can understand victim #1. That person didn’t know drowning was a possibility. But after he had to be hauled out of the water by Ronnie? That’s the stuff urban legends are born of, that mothers everywhere pounce on as a cautionary tale along the lines of “you’ll shoot your eye out!”
Second: what body of water were they swimming in? The last time I checked, central Illinois doesn’t have a body of water with an undertow, which (I assume) is the leading cause of drownings. In fact, I don’t even think central Illinois has what is known as a “Lake District,” so I’m assuming this was either at a) a pool, or b) a pond. Both of which should have ample standing room to make even novices comfortable.
Third: Why did he keep going to work? I think after I had to save 5 people I would’ve maxxed out my threshold for dealing with idiots and quit. To keep showing up even after the count has topped double digits is beyond dedicated. Were it anyone else, I would have the plot for a bizarre Munchausen by Proxy style mystery on my hands. But not Reagan. He was just unlucky.
Actually, now that I think of it, this reminds me of a place in my hometown where there was usually at least one drowning per summer. And I mean Drowning with a capital D, the kind where someone isn’t just pulled from the water but actually requires CPR to restore breathing.
It was a private “beach” which means a small pond with sand surrounding it. It had quite a reputation for drinking and weed, which potentially explains the unusually high drowning statistics. For the record: I was never allowed to go there. I would wager that explanation might hold for Reagan as well, except I don’t think they’d even invented weed 80 years ago. Er, I mean, I’m sure it existed, but no one had thought to smoke it. Or, whatever.
Anyway, the moral of the story is this: Reagan’s status as a modern hero is debatable by some, but I think we can all agree he deserves some props for his dedication to the cause, whatever that cause may have been.
Happy birthday, Mr. President.
pithypants 
That leaves him second in saves only to the great David Hasselhoff, who hasn’t run for President … yet.
I pledge my allegiance, to the Hoff, of the United States of America, and to the Speedo, for which supports, one man, under hair, with cheeseburgers on the floor of a hotel room.
If that’s not a political platform, then I’ve never heard one. We have a little Hoff in the future of Washington. I’m starting a PAC …