Tag Archives: weather

I’ll take “Witch’s Tit” for $500, Alex.

7 Dec

After a gloriously warm fall, winter has finally arrived in DC. It’s COLD outside.

Walking to yoga last night, I found myself exclaiming, “It’s colder than a witch’s tit!” to pretty much everyone who made eye contact with me. Based on the looks I received, I’m going to stick with that greeting all year round. Seems like it could be a real conversation starter.

When Alan and I headed out to dinner, I told him I’d changed my Facebook status to “I’ll take ‘witch’s tit’ for $500, Alex.”

Instead of laughing, he just nodded and said, “Except it should’ve been titty. The phrase is colder than a witch’s titty.”

First: Not where I come from.

Second: Really? An entymological discussion of “witch’s titty?”

Naturally, I ignored his correction and continued, “I was a little disappointed. I thought people would post responses in the form of a question, like Jeopardy.”

In my world, acceptable responses would have been:

  • What phrase best describes the temperature in Washington right now?
  • Where might a topless bar run by wizards be called?
  • Where might one find a witch baby suckling?

Or, what is something I might tell you to suck if you refuse to play my reindeer games with me?

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What the Groundhog is to spring, I am to winter.

15 Nov

I’ll admit, with global warming in full effect, it’s easy to lose track of the seasons. (Note: I did not say “loose.” For some reason, otherwise intelligent people are rampantly using “loose” instead of “lose.” Perhaps Facebook is making us dumber?)

Grammar done; now back to the weather: I see that friends in Chicago had 70 degree temperatures last week – normally unheard of for November.

Well, as a special service, I’ll share a tip that’s more useful than calendar or a thermometer if you want to know when we’ve officially left fall behind and shifted to winter: it’s my All-Fleece Uniform.

That’s right… just as a groundhog’s shadow might tell you that spring is quickly on its way, seeing me decked out in solid grey fleece from head to toe is a pretty good indication that warm days are behind us. I think even Sue Sylvester would admire the frequency with which I don this ensemble once cold weather strikes.

And in case you were wondering: yes, it IS the same top and bottom every day. What? Did you think I had seven of them folded in my drawer? Not *this* girl. I’m wearing the EXACT SAME fleece warm up suit every single day. Yep. There are only two words to describe it: pretty awesome.

(I do feel compelled to note that when the temperature dips, you can find me in the bathtub or shower 2-3 times/day in an attempt to warm up. So while I might be wearing the exact same clothes repeatedly, I’d like to think I’m still cleaner than the average person.)

Carry on. Next up: flannel sheets for my bed.

 

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