Tag Archives: pets

What’s the definition of a pet?

30 Nov
Pretty much.

Pretty much.

Last week, driving to Thanksgiving, we had Alan’s kids in the back of the car. They’re close in age and both under 10, so their primary goal in life these days seems to be to irritate the living shit out of each other. At least when they’re in the car.

As a result, we try to distract them by asking questions to force a conversation. During this particular drive, Alan asked, “So, how many pets do you guys currently have at home?”

At the same time, his daughter said, “One,” and his son said, “None.”

“So which is it?” he asked.

They started a verbal tug-of-war between One and None. Alan threw up his hand, “Hang on. Let’s figure this out.”

Then he asked his daughter, “Who do you consider a pet?”

To which she quickly replied, “Ladybug.”

His son, outraged, jumped in. “Ladybug is NOT a pet. It’s an insect.”

Now THIS definitely counts as a pet.

Now THIS definitely counts as a pet.

This launched another argument, so Alan hopped back in. “Whoa! There are a few simple questions that will help us determine if Ladybug is a pet. First: would it be in your house if you hadn’t deliberately brought it in?”

Yes: Ladybug was brought into the house.

“OK,” he continued. “Do you feed it?”

Yes: Leaves, a few times a week.

“And last question, does it have a name?”

Yes: Spotty.

“Well,” Alan scratched his chin. “Sounds like it’s a pet.”

His son, not accepting the verdict said, “But it doesn’t have any personality!”

To which his daughter replied, “Does too!”

Then after a minute, she added, “You just don’t hang out with it enough.”

Fair enough.

An Introduction to Shadow The Wonder Dog.

25 Aug

I’m dog-sitting my friend Betsy’s dog, Shadow, this week. Whoa. I know – everyone is thinking back to every post I’ve ever written that includes the letters “OCD” and wondering how I’m functioning with a dog in my residence.

Well, it’s easy, actually. Because Shadow is ALSO OCD. At least, she’s willing to indulge humans’ OCD tendencies. She’s incredibly well-trained. Don’t believe me? Check out this (poorly filmed) video of her eating breakfast:

Have you ever seen a dog that can sit in front of a bowl of food and NOT eat it until given a command? Actually, the incredible thing is that you can leave the room or make her wait an hour and she won’t cheat. I don’t know many humans with that kind of willpower. (And for the record, PETA, I don’t marinate cats OR make her wait an hour – so just simmer down with your claims of cruelty.)

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