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It would be funny if it weren’t true. OK, it’s still funny.
19 JunI saw this a few weeks ago and thought it would’ve been old news on the internets by now. However, based on a) the number of blank looks I’ve received when quoting snippets, and b) the number of people who also haven’t seen the HoneyBadger video, I’m thinking that “going viral” in the YouTube sense is somewhat different than pink eye making the rounds in my office.
Consider this a Public Service Announcement then. Because it’s for your own good, but more in the “pop culture” category than the “eat your veggies” category:
You’re welcome.
Any “Modern Family” Fans in the House?
31 MayIn the true spirit of the Inaugural weekend of summer, I kicked off Memorial Day weekend with a book in hand, relaxing next to Alan’s pool. Despite the temperature pushing 90, there were only a handful of people there with me.
Fortunately, the only gay couple there bore a striking resemblance to Cameron & Mitchell from Modern Family, so in addition to cooling off and relaxing, I was able to blur my eyes and imagine I was chilling at a private party in LA instead of a community pool in the suburbs of DC. Because these are the places my mind goes.
Shortly after claiming two deck chairs, they both reclined. The heavier of the two (whom I was mentally calling “Cam”) draped a towel across his eyes, as if he were at a spa. (Apparently I wasn’t the only person imagining myself elsewhere.) “Mitchell” pulled out his phone and was preparing to dial when — all of a sudden — PPBBBBFFFFTTT!
A rather noisy fart broadcast from Cam’s suit. I knew it was Cam because: a) there weren’t really any other people in the vicinity from which the noise emanated; and b) Mitchell just started shaking his head from side to side, eyes closed.
“No. You. Didn’t,” he finally mustered.
“Oh. Yes. I. Did,” Cam replied.
Rather than even ask for an explanation or lecture him about being foul, Mitchell just kept shaking his head in silence, as if resigned to it.
Watching this whole exchange over the top of my book, I was amazed with the nonchalance. It kind of reminded me of when my sister tore up a stall at the YMCA with really bad gas, then made eye contact with the other guests and — by way of explanation — said, “Didn’t want to do that on the bike.”
Screw it. If other people aren’t going to get embarrassed, then neither am I. So I pulled out my camera and took their photo. I was practically inviting them to call me on it:
- Probably not a great celebrity look-alike if it means you have to cover your face with a towel.
OH. YES. I. DID.
My friends are as raunchy as I am.
3 MayHere’s proof. Captured from Facebook, scrubbed to protect the innocent.
Doing our best to give HR job security.
16 Mar
Yesterday morning I was showing a colleague a piece of corporate swag I had received at an event. It was a rubber watch made in the style of those “Silly Bandz” or “Slapz” things that are popular with kids these days.
Don’t know what I’m talking about? First, thanks for making me feel better for actually knowing what these things are. I feel much less grandma-esque now. Second, for your edification: they are rubber watches that are straight and rigid until you hit them on something – then they curve and wrap around it.
Hence this watch looks kind of like a ruler until you smack it on your wrist – then it curves and becomes a bracelet around your wrist. Get it?
Anyway, as I showed it to my colleague, she said, “Awesome! I love this.”
And then, seeing it go from curled to straight, about a beat later she exclaimed, “It’s like a little orange penis!”
At this point, she happened to realize she had SPOKEN OUT LOUD and that we were not the only people in the office. In fact, the person closest to us was a guy, separated only by a cubicle wall, left to his own imagination to figure out what we were talking about. She collapsed into a puddle of embarrassment on her desk.
pithypants 