pithypants

Because I’ve been pressed for time, there’s no cohesive post to serve up, so I’ll invoke the “Three on Thursday” theme and just share three completely random things with you.

Item #1

Alan and I swung in Trader Joe’s to pick up some items for dinner. To save time, we decided to divide and conquer: I scouted the wine; he was in charge of meat/grains/veggies. (Yes, I totally realize I won that coin toss.)

After executing my half of the task, I started walking the aisles, looking to intercept him before checkout. I found him reading a package. He flipped it around to show it to me with a questioning look. I squinted. “Why are you looking at BIRDSEED?” I asked, thoroughly confused.

He did a double-take to see if I was joking. I was not. Then he laughed. “This is quinoa.”

Oh. Somehow, even though I cook a lot and have eaten quinoa from the Whole Foods buffet bar, I have never actually prepared it. I hadn’t realized it looked like bird seed. That explains a LOT. Like why I find myself instinctively ingesting pebbles after a big plate of quinoa.

I can answer at least one of these questions for her.

Item #2

As it turns out, humans are pretty decent conductors. I don’t mean train conductors  – hello, have you even looked at a newspaper this month? – but rather, conductors of electricity.

I know this because last week I kind of electrocuted myself. My AC was on the fritz, so at 6pm on Friday I found myself standing on a plastic storage bin on top of a table so I could see into space above my ceiling where my AC unit lives. I quickly found the source of the problem – the condensation tray had water pooling in it, which had tripped the reset button for the unit.

The first time I checked things out, I did the prudent thing and climbed down, flipped the breaker, then went back up on the table. But the second time? When I thought I’d solved the problem and mopped up the water? I did a quick final check with the power on to make sure all was good.

And when I grabbed the hockey-puck like water sensor, a volt ran up my arm as far as my shoulder, causing a phantom tingle that lasted for an hour. (I would like to point out that I did NOT get blown off the table I was standing on, so it probably wasn’t really that bad. I mean, it wasn’t one of these scenarios. Just a bit tingly. In other words, I don’t need a lecture, Mom and Dad.)

In other news: Time to buy a ladder!

Item #3

I attended a videocast earlier this week. It was a pretty basic set-up, where a moderator and her guest were seated side-by-side at a table. The guest was some guy who has written a book about social media marketing.

He started the talk by providing a four-minute synopsis of the book. It was mesmerizing. Not because of anything he said (I couldn’t even tell you one concept from his book that made an impression on me), but because of how he said it. He smiled the entire time he spoke.

As I sat there, transfixed, I realized: People who smile-talk? Generally look like they’re silently filling a Depends while conversing. Seriously.

Sure, there are exceptions. They’re called “news anchors.” But the rest of us, whose worlds don’t revolve around teleprompters, should probably ditch the smile when delivering. Also? In looking for an image for this post, I googled “awkwardly smiling while talking” and it took me to this eHow article.

Seriously? Someone took the time to write that?

Tags: humor, observations, random