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Life is Precious.

3 Jun

So this is going to be less pithy and more serious than usual. A friend of mine from college died Tuesday.

I first met Jay Jones through my friend Todd. In college I worked at a sports bar called Tripper’s, where everyone who worked there worked together and partied together. Todd was one of only a handful of guys who worked there (did I mention it was a sports bar and that the waitresses wore spandex shorts, baseball jerseys and sports bras?) and although I suspect he liked the male:female ratio, he thought his friend Jay would be a nice addition to the crew.

Jay worked at another restaurant – something with fewer drinks and more sit-down dining – and Todd slowly began to pull him into the fold. First it was inviting him along for an after-hours drink at The Roadhouse Pub, then it was taking him golfing with Scott, Matt and Joe (hosts at Tripper’s), and the next thing we knew, Jay was a server working along with us. As was a pretty and sweet girl named Amy, who who went on to fall in love with Jay, marry him and have three kids with him.

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A List: Sadly, this is how people find me…

1 Jun

Something I enjoy about blogging (almost as much as the writing itself) is the information I can access behind the scenes – like statistics about how many visitors I’ve had, which posts have been read the most, and – perhaps most curiously – which search engine terms have led people to my blog. Here are a few of those search terms that stood out to me, categorized for your viewing pleasure…

Bathroom Humor

OK. Based on these terms (and the fact that the majority of searches that led people to my site were tied to toilet humor) I’m thinking that I might need to lay off the teenage bathroom humor and shore up a more respectable reputation:

  • may cause anal leakage
  • wise fart quotes
  • feek and destroy (Seriously – I can’t believe someone strung this together.)
  • what is a slogan with the word flush in it
  • slogans to get people to flush the toilet (Sounds like someone has a bad work bathroom.)

Non-Sequitors

For most of these terms, I had to do a bit of a head-scratcher to figure out which posts they even led people to.

  • how much do the dancers make on dancing (Do we think there’s a sixteen year old out there contemplating a summer job at Deja Vu?)
  • cockroach tomato (I’m going to skip dinner at *their* house.)
  • person with sucker on forehead (I would love it if this person were actually looking for an image of someone with a lollipop on their face.)

Potential Fetishes?

So for these, the most plausible explanation is that the searchers using these terms have fetishes of some sort. Because otherwise, I can’t for the life of me figure out why someone would search for these terms together:

  • lady sits tub of milk
  • squirting moving clips
  • girls pre panties
  • only pissy

Why I’m grateful to be packing…

30 May

I’m supposed to be packing this weekend. Grrr.

Loading up boxes is NOT fun. But you know what is even less fun? Being evicted.

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Did our nation’s water supply get replaced with Stupid Juice while I was sleeping?

24 May

I generally avoid traveling on Mondays and Fridays. This morning I was reminded why. (Note: it is Monday.)

Upon arriving at the airport, I went straight to a check-in kiosk and attempted to run my card – with no luck. I tried three other machines (and two other cards) with similar results, so eventually I joined the masses in line for the kiosks that are supervised by United personnel.

The line wasn’t moving, despite the fact that I could clearly see no fewer than four free kiosks blinking “check-in here.” No one in line was wearing a suit, and most of the people had over-sized bags indicating they were heading on vacation. They all had blank looks and no urgency. I wanted to push someone.

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Open mouth, insert foot.

23 May

As someone who often sticks my foot in my mouth, I revel in the moments when I catch other people doing the same thing.

Imagine then, about a week ago, when Alan – looking at my thigh – said, “Do you always have these?” and traced his finger along my veins, which sit close to the surface and show through easily.

I raised an eyebrow. “Only about as long as I’ve had blood flowing through me.”

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