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A List: Sadly, this is how people find me…

1 Jun

Something I enjoy about blogging (almost as much as the writing itself) is the information I can access behind the scenes – like statistics about how many visitors I’ve had, which posts have been read the most, and – perhaps most curiously – which search engine terms have led people to my blog. Here are a few of those search terms that stood out to me, categorized for your viewing pleasure…

Bathroom Humor

OK. Based on these terms (and the fact that the majority of searches that led people to my site were tied to toilet humor) I’m thinking that I might need to lay off the teenage bathroom humor and shore up a more respectable reputation:

  • may cause anal leakage
  • wise fart quotes
  • feek and destroy (Seriously – I can’t believe someone strung this together.)
  • what is a slogan with the word flush in it
  • slogans to get people to flush the toilet (Sounds like someone has a bad work bathroom.)

Non-Sequitors

For most of these terms, I had to do a bit of a head-scratcher to figure out which posts they even led people to.

  • how much do the dancers make on dancing (Do we think there’s a sixteen year old out there contemplating a summer job at Deja Vu?)
  • cockroach tomato (I’m going to skip dinner at *their* house.)
  • person with sucker on forehead (I would love it if this person were actually looking for an image of someone with a lollipop on their face.)

Potential Fetishes?

So for these, the most plausible explanation is that the searchers using these terms have fetishes of some sort. Because otherwise, I can’t for the life of me figure out why someone would search for these terms together:

  • lady sits tub of milk
  • squirting moving clips
  • girls pre panties
  • only pissy

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List: THINGS That Make Me Happy When I Travel

26 May

I’m reading (and loving) “No Impact Man” right now. Between this book and my recent viewing of The History of Stuff, I’m becoming horrifyingly aware of my consumption of THINGS – and the resources that go into making them. So it is with a certain degree of guilt that I write this list of THINGS That Make Me Happy When I Travel.

• My iPhone: How did I ever fully explore a place before I could take a walk with my iPod playlist, switch over to find out what dining options were close to me, check the hours of the museums and take a picture of the best-smelling flower garden I’ve ever walked through?

• Alarm Clocks with iPod Docks: Yes, I seem to be Steve Jobs’ pimp tonight. It’s true that I Apple. But on this one, I’m just saying: there are three things that I know that make a hotel room feel like home and one of them is your own music pumping out a speaker. The second thing is…

• A Travel Candle: Nothing worse than a hotel room that smells like disinfectant (unless it’s a room that smells like it NEEDS disinfectant). And the third thing is…

• My Slippers: Without them, I pace my hotel in flipflops or walk on tip-toe like a ballerina, scared I’ll contract some disease from carpet that may or may not have a certain stickiness to it.

• My Fuzzy Socks: For in-flight comfort. There is nothing that makes people more envious than shucking off my shoes and peeling on my plush, striped “Where’s Waldo” socks. Not only do they keep my otherwise cold feet warm, they just make the plane feel more homey. And let’s face it – no one is going to ask me to handle their soda or peanuts after they see me slide my fingers between my toes.

• A Bag of Candy: Can’t help it. A trip doesn’t feel like a trip if I don’t have some variety of sugar to toss back by the handful. (And I can be polite and offer candy to strangers, but I’ve never had one accept. Wonder why?)

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