Archive | Friends & Life RSS feed for this section

The best laid plans…

27 Jul

Last night I arrived at Holly’s apartment for book club, only to find her in the kitchen, holding a huge watermelon.

“Here,” she gestured toward her laptop. “Look at this site and see if you see anything easy on it that I can make.”

The website featured watermelon carvings that looked pretty professional. “Um… you’re going to try to make one of these for book club?” I clarified.

She nodded. “I hate watermelon. But I thought it would be refreshing. And I could make it look cool.”

“You think you can pull this off in 15 minutes? Because people are going to be here soon and they look kind of complicated,” I was impressed by her ambition.

Again she nodded, then, turning to me, she said, “You know, I think I’ll make a boat and put this pineapple top on it like a tail!”

And as she said this, behind her, in what seemed to be slow motion, the watermelon proceeded to roll off the counter and land on the floor, where it broke into two chunks and splatted juice everywhere:

Kind of looks like a crime scene, no?

“Well, I think that makes the decision easier,” I told her.

“Did I mention?” she responded, “I fucking hate watermelon.”

Tags: , , ,

In which we turn the bus into our personal taxi.

26 Jul

My friend Liz was in town from Atlanta last weekend, so her sister Lisa hosted a small get-together Friday night. Since it was a white wine tasting party, Holly and I decided to take the bus there together so we could enjoy ourselves without wrapping a car around a tree having to worry about driving.

We both have been exploring the bus system and marvel at how surprisingly convenient it is — once you know where you’re going. The maiden voyage to any single destination can be a bit of an adventure, however, because not all of the stops are included on the bus schedule and the drivers exhibit varying degrees of customer service.

We used WMATA’s “trip planner” and deduced that we needed to get off at Ward Circle. On the way there, I started to have second thoughts, so Holly walked to the front of the bus and tried to ask the driver. “We’re trying to get to Chesapeake Street,” she explained. “Is Ward Circle the best stop?”

His response? “I don’t know.”

WHAT? You’re the bus driver! Presumably you drive this route every day. How do you not know if Ward Circle is the best stop for Chesapeake? (For the record, Chesapeake is cross street, allegedly with its own stop – though it didn’t show up on the schedule – so that’s why we assumed he would know.)

Continue reading →

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

There’s a moral to this story: Better a crab than an ass.

22 Jul

It’s been hotter than a warlock’s balls this week, and the forecast tells us Saturday will be even worse: 103 without the heat index (120 with it!). Know what that means? I’ll spend a fair portion of the weekend standing in Alan’s pool, reading a book.

Yes, you heard me right. I’ll be standing in the water reading a book. Kind of like how hippos stay in the water with only their eyes and nostrils out when it’s really hot.

The thing is, I’m not the only person that does this. MULTIPLE people who live in Alan’s community do the same thing — in fact, I learned this trick from them. Somehow, it has become “normal” to me in the past year, and I didn’t think anything of it, until Margaret came out the other weekend. (Remember Margaret? The Red Baron?)

Continue reading →

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Like an ice cream truck, but with only one popsicle?

14 Jul

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Yesterday morning at work, before anyone else got in, Margaret asked for my help selecting a bouquet of flowers to send to a funeral. We chose an arrangement online, but when it came to order, we were a bit stumped.

“Name of the deceased?” the form asked.

Margaret’s cursor hovered in the space noncommittally.

“What’s the hold-up?” I asked her.

“I don’t know her name.”

“You’re sending flowers to someone and you don’t know her name?” I couldn’t compute.

“No, you dumb-ass,” she corrected me. “The funeral is for my friend’s mother-in-law. How would I know her name? I never met HER. In fact, this form is lame. Why does it want me to send the flowers to the attention of the deceased?”

Continue reading →

Tags: , , , , ,

This is how you end up walking on your hands.

11 Jul

Do you remember in Peanuts how sometimes Snoopy would get super enthusiastic and end up looking like a show-off? No? Well, here’s a refresher:

Why is this on my mind? Because this weekend at the pool my friend Margaret  pulled a Snoopy.

It was incredibly hot, so we spent a fair amount of time in the water. Near the end of the day there was a group of four women standing around in the shallow end talking. Margaret and I jumped in and she challenged me to race a lap.

As we clung to the wall post-race, catching our breath, one of the girls from the group attempted a few strokes of butterfly. She clearly wasn’t strong enough to pull it off, so it petered out pretty quickly. But not quickly enough that Margaret didn’t see it.

Next thing I knew, Margaret was on her way toward the deep-end, swimming a powerful butterfly past the girls, clearly showing up the chick who had just sunk. (In her defense, Margaret was just curious to know if she could manage a whole lap, not overtly trying to be competitive.) In any case, it struck my funny bone, and by the time she reached the other end, I was snorting with laughter.

“What?” she called from the deep end. I shook my head.

About this time one of the girls tells her friends, “My stroke was always backstroke…”

And lo and behold, here comes Margaret, heading past them via backstroke, arms cranking like a windmill.

© Charles M. Schultz

I’m clutching my stomach by the time she pulls up next to me. Fortunately, instead of completing the triple-play by starting a lap of breaststroke, Margaret proposes a handstand contest.

And that’s how I found myself upside-down, holding my breath and acting like I was twelve again. I think I have a new nickname for Margaret: The Red Baron.

Not that it’s a bad thing.

Tags: , , , , , , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →