Just a typical lunch conversation

10 Jun

Screen Shot 2016-06-08 at 6.27.38 AM

“Hey, do you want to see four dead mice and a dead chipmunk?” my dad asks while we’re eating lunch. I’ve just arrived in Michigan for my nephew’s graduation.

“Where are they?” I ask, thinking they’ve just been caught in a trap. “Attic? Garage?”

“Basement,” my mom says, with a roll of her eyes.

“Why do you have these in the basement?” I ask.

“I’m cultivating dermestid beetles,” my dad announces proudly.

“And why are you cultivating dermestid beetles?”

“So I’ll have enough to clean the deer skeleton I picked up,” he replies, as if it should’ve been obvious.

“And where is this deer skeleton?”

He stops eating and points at the floor.

“Under the porch?” I ask, now imagining a rotting carcass as I put a fork full of sauerkraut in my mouth.

He nods.

“Did you get the whole thing?” my mom asks, surprisingly supportive for someone who prides herself on an immaculate house.

“Close,” he says. “I was able to pick up almost everything but I think I missed a few ribs.”

There are a number of relevant questions… Where did he find this skeleton? What does he plan to do with it? Exactly how did he pick it up? How long has it been under the porch?

Instead, I settle on, “Isn’t it stinky?” since I’m now sniffing around like a pig seeking truffles.

“Nah,” he says. “The maggots did a pretty good job with it. The beetles are just to finish the job so it’s perfectly clean.”

Of course.

Isn’t this how YOUR visits home sound – or is your dad not a biologist?

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3 Responses to “Just a typical lunch conversation”

  1. Sally Clark June 10, 2016 at 8:40 am #

    I love it. Your dad was my Biology teacher and I think the deer was from my front yard!

    • pithypants June 10, 2016 at 11:40 am #

      How does a transaction like that work? Does he thank you for donating the deer to science, or do you thank him for hauling it away? 🙂

  2. Lorna's Voice June 15, 2016 at 5:28 pm #

    This strikes me as a really great book idea–growing up as the kid of a biologist. You’ve got the yuck-factor of any good forensic mystery and the comedic potential of, well, YOU! 🙂

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