I received an email from my company’s marketing team, telling me I needed to provide a headshot for the website. Some people might enjoy the thrill of a photo shoot, but I don’t.
Among other things, I’m never sure where to put my hands. Part of me wants to constantly give two cheesy thumbs-up to the photographer, just so they have something to do. Or make jazz hands.
Anyway, I submitted myself to the horror of headshots this week, and I shared the proofs with Alan after, hoping he would help me make a selection. Here’s how our conversation went…
Me: Will you let me know which of these is your favorite?
Alan: Whichever one you choose, you should use it for your LinkedIn photo.
Me: Why? Do you not like my current photo?
Alan: It could just stand to be updated.
Me: That was diplomatic. What don’t you like about it?
Alan: Well, it looks a bit clown-y.
Me (once I finished laughing): Could you be more specific?
Alan: The filter on it makes your lips look really bright and your eyes look crazy.
Me: Oh. Yeah, well, the plan is to use this for LinkedIn, too.
Alan: Good.
Me: So which one do you like?
Alan: Not the one in the jacket.
Me: Why not?
Alan: The jacket doesn’t fit you.
Me: Yes it does.
Alan: Well, I can’t really see where the jacket ends.
Me: So what?
Alan: So I can’t really see where YOU end. For all I know, that could be a velvet mumu.
Me: So it makes me look fat?
Alan (warming to the idea): I’m just saying, it could be a velvet sack.
Me: Thanks for your help.
Sigh.
pithypants 
I wonder how much demand there’d be for a velvet mumu. Sounds like something HSN would sell at 2 in the morning using some has-been celebrity to shill.
Not that you look that way in your photo, mind; I haven’t seen the photo. You just got me thinking about velvet mumus.
What’s not to like about a velvet mumu? I bet it would be COMFORTABLE.
It would make quite the statement, too.