Trend-setter. That’s one word for me.

17 Feb

What’s the word for athletic pants where there’s essentially a pantyliner sewn into the crotch so you can wear them without underwear? You know what I’m talking about, right?

Well, whoever invented those should be shot.

I was half-way through yoga yesterday, doubled-over in a forward fold, when I noticed that the seams on my pants looked odd. “Hmmm…” I wondered, “Did I put my pants on inside-out?”

Normally that’s not cause for alarm because I have three pairs of reversible yoga pants. Unfortunately, it turns out this was a different pair, which I confirmed with a quick reach to feel for a tag. I had not only one but two large tags flapping on my butt, announcing “M” for anyone who wanted to check my size.

I sighed and continued my vinyasa, thinking, “Meh – not a big deal.”

It was about ten minutes later, when our instructor told us to put our feet on the outer edge of the mat, then slowly lower into a yogic squat, that I saw the problem. I was in the front row, facing a mirror, and there – winking back at me – was a bright white triangle of cloth between my legs. I quickly lowered my hands from prayer position so I looked more like a catcher to block the cotton blaze from view.

Of course, I also started quietly snickering, finding the situation awkward but also hilarious. It only got worse when the instructor asked us to sit on our mats, extend our feet in the air in front of us, grab the bottom of each foot and open into a seated “V.”

This is what we were supposed to look like:

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Which Alan says is comical regardless of your pants.

At this point, I just muttered a, “Oh hell no…” and flopped back on my mat, silently laughing as I watched everyone else go spread-eagle.

While convulsing, I decided that before I wear those pants again, I am going to take a Sharpie and either draw a big smiley face or write “Namaste” in the center of that real estate. That way, I figure at least it would look like I’d deliberately worn them reversed if it happens again – right?

Actually, I think that’s such a great idea that I’m encouraging everyone to go to their drawers and search out any pants with a while cotton liner, and draw a smiley face on them. Because you never know. And trust me – there will be a day when you thank me. Even if it’s just when you crack yourself up every time you tug your pants down to go to the bathroom.

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11 Responses to “Trend-setter. That’s one word for me.”

  1. thesinglecell February 17, 2014 at 9:42 pm #

    Cackled out loud. CACKLED. May have also snorted. Love that you thought you might actually save it halfway through the class. You’d probably already saluted whoever was behind you with your white flag of surrender long before (better hope they had their head down). Also: agree with Alan about that pictured position (which, for me, would have the added delight of making me throw my back out).

    • pithypants February 26, 2014 at 5:49 am #

      Glad I made you cackle like a witch! And yes – in hindsight, reconstructing all the moves I’d done with wild abandon, I’m pretty sure I was the LAST person in the class to realize my pants were inside out.

  2. kimpugliano February 17, 2014 at 10:21 pm #

    OHMYGOD You made me cry. Thank you so much. Not having a great lif-day.

    • pithypants February 26, 2014 at 5:48 am #

      I’ll assume they were tears or mirth…

  3. Karen February 17, 2014 at 10:23 pm #

    So usually with you but pants inside out? No. I cut all of the tags out of my underwear and still manage to wear them the right way. Nevertheless, love anything that leads to a blog post from you, Al.

    • pithypants February 26, 2014 at 5:48 am #

      Maybe it’s your special skill, like a super power?

  4. Richard Barney February 18, 2014 at 8:12 am #

    Thanks for getting my day off to a start with a big smile!!!

  5. dianeskitchentable February 19, 2014 at 3:26 pm #

    Say I’ve got a pair like that but I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to go without underwear! I always wondered why they’d put a panty liner in pants but what do I know about fashion. Way back when I was sleep deprived after having my daughter, I got all the way down to the car to go to work & when I got in realized I didn’t have a skirt on. Got back upstairs & found my husband laughing his ass off. “you knew & didn’t tell me?” “Just wanted to see how far you’d make it”.

    • pithypants February 26, 2014 at 5:46 am #

      Wow – and you’re still married? You’re more forgiving than I am!

      • dianeskitchentable February 26, 2014 at 1:19 pm #

        Yeah, I let him get away with that one but he had to handle a lot of 2:00 am feedings after that.

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