I can admit this because it’s Friday.

6 Apr

Dear Readers: I Love You. Seriously – I can’t believe you’ve hung in there, considering four of my last five posts were about bodily functions. (And I’m not talking hiccups and sneezes.) You. Are. Awesome. Or demented. But at least you’re my kind of demented. So thanks!

To reward you, I will post about something OTHER than scat for once…

Because it's Easter weekend

There are two things I simply can’t possess for more than three months: sunglasses and umbrellas. They either break or I lose them. Knowing that, I refuse to spend much money on them.

A few weeks back my office went bowling after work. It was a pretty posh bowling alley – the kind that has disco lights and velvet couches and is located next to a theatre so people can make an entire evening of it. As we were wrapping up and changing out of our shoes, I noticed a pair of sunglasses under the table.

“Hey – do these belong to anyone?” I asked. Apparently not. They weren’t the greatest sunglasses, but they fit my head so I kept them. (I suppose I should’ve turned them into Lost & Found, but that didn’t cross my mind since we were the first bowlers in there that day.)

Anyway. I was mildly jazzed to have picked up a pair of new sunglasses for free, considering I’m usually the one leaving mine places. Karma finally came around on this one!

It was sunny last night when I headed out to yoga, so I popped on the glasses before I headed out. And – like the other times I’ve worn them, I realized something weird was happening. Manhole covers were shimmery. (If I were a gamer, I might’ve tried to jump on one to see if they would explode and earn me points.)

Every fleck of stone in the asphalt seemed to pop out of the pavement. Cop lights in the distance seemed somehow more vivid.

And that’s when I realized: the sunglasses? Actually 3-D glasses from the theatre next to the bowling alley.

That’s right. I’ve been wearing 3-D glasses around as sunglasses.

Guess it’s time for me to touch up those highlights.

19 Responses to “I can admit this because it’s Friday.”

  1. skippingstones April 6, 2012 at 7:02 am #

    We love you, too. Mostly cause you’re as nuts as we are.

    • pithypants April 6, 2012 at 4:56 pm #

      Nuts is good. Are good? Both. Nuts = good.

  2. Danielle April 6, 2012 at 8:24 am #


  3. The Byronic Man April 6, 2012 at 8:30 am #

    I lose my keys and my checkbook every day. Every day.

    • pithypants April 6, 2012 at 4:56 pm #

      Hold on. I can’t get past the fact that you LOOK for your checkbook everyday. I don’t think I’ve used mine since, um, 2006? No lie. Do you go to the bank on Fridays to deposit your paycheck? C’mon, Byron! I expect more from you!

  4. thinkingdj April 6, 2012 at 9:29 am #

    Freaking hilarious!

  5. Simone Benedict April 6, 2012 at 9:57 am #

    Hahaha. How very suave and ZZ Top-ish! – one of those 80s bands in case you missed out 🙂 I’m inspired. Think I have a pair so I’m gonna hit the streets a runnin’ to try and beat the masses/go get myself a pair of cheap sunglasses. Shin-diggity!

    • pithypants April 6, 2012 at 4:53 pm #

      Maybe I’ve started a trend? I could pretend they’re like the Google virtual reality glasses?

  6. Kimberly Pugliano (@GisSilent) April 6, 2012 at 10:59 am #

    Hahahaha! KARMA!!!!

    • pithypants April 6, 2012 at 4:52 pm #

      Karma: she’s a bitch, all right.

  7. thesinglecell April 6, 2012 at 12:55 pm #

    That’s awesome. You’re a hipster and didn’t even know it. Everyone thought you were making some sort of statement. Also, apparently theaters have really upped the ante on those 3-D glasses. I have to assume (please, please let this be true) they were NOT the old cardboard framed, red-and-blue lensed variety.

    • pithypants April 6, 2012 at 2:56 pm #

      That would make this even MORE awesome. I’m now a little sad that they weren’t the red and blue ones.

  8. I'm Not Famous and Neither Are You April 6, 2012 at 1:41 pm #

    That is awesome! And definitely something I could see myself doing.

  9. littlemissobsessivesanatomy April 6, 2012 at 3:17 pm #

    I once bought myself cheap but stylish looking glasses (atleast that’s what i thought) … i thought what’s the harm in buying something from the road for once.. next day it was a friend’s birthday and i bought the cake.. i walk out of the shop with the cake in my hand, i put on my sunglasses and then suddenly things look very hazy and i failed to see that i was about to step into an uneven patch of road…i almost tripped and threw the cake but fortunately my guy friend walking next to me saved both the cake and me…

    that’s when i realized that those so called stylish looking glasses were super faulty 😛

    • pithypants April 6, 2012 at 4:52 pm #

      Are you sure you didn’t pick them up from the “reader” section of the pharmacy for $5?

  10. susielindau April 8, 2012 at 10:30 pm #

    That is pretty funny! I rarely lose things, but if I find something, I always lose the treasure. It seems as though the universe knows somehow that I am not its rightful owner and….won’t….let…..me…..keep….it….no matter how firmly I grip it in my hot little hand.

  11. Karen April 10, 2012 at 9:13 pm #

    no no no no no. that’s what I thought in my head as I laughed. Are you kidding me (us)?!

    • pithypants April 12, 2012 at 3:14 pm #

      I know.. right? It’s a wonder I remember to wear pants and don’t need a helmet.

  12. DZ April 14, 2012 at 2:05 pm #

    That damn high IQ struck again, eh? stillwithnosapcebar:-(

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