Rapture: What a let-down.

21 May

Damn. I have to say, the Rapture was a huge disappointment.

Not that I had any expectations of being Raptured (since I’m both a skeptic and a sinner), but I was seriously hoping that some of the goody-goody-judgmental-holier-than-thou types would disappear. I guess it’s safe to say: we’re all disappointed.

I’d like to interview someone who fully expected to be Raptured today. Here’s what I imagine it sounding like:

ME: So. You’re still here.
Rappy: For now.
ME: What was it like, when you realized God hadn’t actually lifted you up to heaven?
Rappy: I still have faith that He will.
ME: Have you used your phone tree, to confirm that you’re not the only person in your circle left behind? I mean, you believe the judgement was going to happen. How do you know it hasn’t, and you just weren’t deemed worthy?
Rappy: There are many ways to interpret the bible. I think we may have had our math off a bit. 
ME: Hmmm. So is it safe to say that you’re not good with any of the fact-based disciplines: math, science…
Rappy: Huh?
ME: So tell me. What did you do to prepare for the Rapture?
Rappy: What do you mean?
ME: I mean, did you max out your credit cards? Did you give away all your worldly posessions?
Rappy: Um, no. 
ME: Are you shitting me? Why not?
Rappy: Well, that didn’t seem very responsible.
ME: So let me get this straight: you thought you were going to be lifted up by God to Heaven, and you just continued “business as usual” leading up to it?
Rappy: Pretty much. I mean, I have been whittling down the supplies in my pantry over the last few months.
ME: Sounds to me like you really weren’t a believer. Maybe that’s why you’re still here. Next time: try harder.  

Totally unrelated: I wonder how many people accidentally googled Ratpure this week. It makes me think I missed a business opportunity to launch and market a new rat poison. I guess we’re all losers when it comes to the Rapture.

One Response to “Rapture: What a let-down.”

  1. chuckbert May 21, 2011 at 10:40 pm #

    Camping was always doomed to fail. Maths is a science, and as any true believer will tell you, God hates science.

    I wouldn’t be half surprised if he was planning ‘The Rapture’ for yesterday, but as soon as Camping found the date with maths he immediately changed it.

    Or, you know, the bleeding obvious.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: