Rapture: What a let-down.

21 May

Damn. I have to say, the Rapture was a huge disappointment.

Not that I had any expectations of being Raptured (since I’m both a skeptic and a sinner), but I was seriously hoping that some of the goody-goody-judgmental-holier-than-thou types would disappear. I guess it’s safe to say: we’re all disappointed.

I’d like to interview someone who fully expected to be Raptured today. Here’s what I imagine it sounding like:

ME: So. You’re still here.
Rappy: For now.
ME: What was it like, when you realized God hadn’t actually lifted you up to heaven?
Rappy: I still have faith that He will.
ME: Have you used your phone tree, to confirm that you’re not the only person in your circle left behind? I mean, you believe the judgement was going to happen. How do you know it hasn’t, and you just weren’t deemed worthy?
Rappy: There are many ways to interpret the bible. I think we may have had our math off a bit. 
ME: Hmmm. So is it safe to say that you’re not good with any of the fact-based disciplines: math, science…
Rappy: Huh?
ME: So tell me. What did you do to prepare for the Rapture?
Rappy: What do you mean?
ME: I mean, did you max out your credit cards? Did you give away all your worldly posessions?
Rappy: Um, no. 
ME: Are you shitting me? Why not?
Rappy: Well, that didn’t seem very responsible.
ME: So let me get this straight: you thought you were going to be lifted up by God to Heaven, and you just continued “business as usual” leading up to it?
Rappy: Pretty much. I mean, I have been whittling down the supplies in my pantry over the last few months.
ME: Sounds to me like you really weren’t a believer. Maybe that’s why you’re still here. Next time: try harder.  

Totally unrelated: I wonder how many people accidentally googled Ratpure this week. It makes me think I missed a business opportunity to launch and market a new rat poison. I guess we’re all losers when it comes to the Rapture.

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One Response to “Rapture: What a let-down.”

  1. chuckbert May 21, 2011 at 10:40 pm #

    Camping was always doomed to fail. Maths is a science, and as any true believer will tell you, God hates science.

    I wouldn’t be half surprised if he was planning ‘The Rapture’ for yesterday, but as soon as Camping found the date with maths he immediately changed it.

    Or, you know, the bleeding obvious.

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