You can tell we’re related. And not just because of our humor.

11 Mar

In the middle of my otherwise stressful work day, I checked my personal email and found this gem waiting for me from my sister, who shares my sense of humor:

Last night I had my spinning class and was super gassy. I’ve never done this before, but last night had to go to the bathroom to let off a little pressure because I was getting crampy.  There were 2 girls in there, probably middle-school age.  I go whipping in (trying to hurry so I can get back to class), go in a stall, and though I tried to be quiet, end up ripping some of the largest, squealiest farts.  Then the girls started giggling.  I peed and then had some more gas, which was just as obnoxious.  They whispered and giggled some more.  I went out to wash my hands and figured I had to own it.  I said, “I know.  It’s nasty.  But I figure better here than in class.”  They couldn’t even look at me.

If necessity is the mother of invention, then I don't want to know why this app was created.

I think I snorted Diet Dew out my nose reading this.

I imagined her walking into a bathroom that already had people in it and just letting it rip. Who does that?

Had it been me, I would’ve been that weird stall lurker whose shoes you see shuffling around uncomfortably under the stall door, but otherwise makes no noise – and doesn’t come out, instead relying on a strategy of out-lasting everyone and finally getting a bit of privacy.

I sure as shit wouldn’t have walked out and OWNED it. Or if I had, I would’ve tried something like, “Don’t use that stall. It’s noisy.”

That’s right. I would’ve played it off like the STALL was farting. Because that’s how I roll.

Or I would’ve tried guilting them by making up a disease. “You girls think that’s funny? Well, if you had eight feet of your intestines surgically removed, you sure wouldn’t be laughing.”

Oh, and you’re probably reading this thinking, “Her poor sister! She is going to be PISSED when she sees this online.” So let me assure you, I asked her permission before I shared it. And she gave me her blessing, as long as I made it clear that she isn’t the gassy one in our family.

Um. Don’t use that stall.

3 Responses to “You can tell we’re related. And not just because of our humor.”

  1. Paul March 11, 2011 at 8:29 pm #

    I love fart anecdotes. In terms of triage, the physical effects of farts can be confused with heat stroke or insulin deficiency. Farters should always be prepared to assist fartees with proper first aid remedies. Someone who has been severely affected by farts should not be treated with ice cubes or orange juice.

  2. botut March 15, 2011 at 5:25 pm #

    I always worry that my shoes are too distinctive when something like that happens…not that it ever does! LOL- thanks for the laugh.

    • pithypants March 16, 2011 at 2:47 pm #

      Too distinctive? What, like PeeWee Herman’s “big shoes?” That would be hilarious.

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