Tag Archives: irony

Sleeping with the fishes and a spelling lesson in the Big D.

22 Dec

This week I’ve been working in our Detroit office so I can spend time with my family leading up to the holiday. The office is in a large office park in a place called “Bingham Farm” which I think is actually a fancy name (ironically) for Southfield.

Everyone had to work from home for a week last month because the suite next to ours caught on fire. I never heard many details, so on this visit I was poking around being nosy. Turns out, the fire was caused by a massive fish tank.

Really? Something filled with water almost burns the building down? What are the odds?

Or – as I would like to think – maybe it was the fish themselves. When I was a kid, I had a goldfish that had a death wish and routinely flung himself out of his bowl. Maybe these fish were part of a larger sleeper cell and were willing to sacrifice themselves to wipe out some humans. Maybe the head goldfish promised them 72 virgin fish would be waiting for them in heaven.

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Stream of Consciousness: Swimming at a DC Public Pool

21 Sep

This locker room is what I would expect to find in a prison.

Except with more people in it.

And probably lice.

Soap on a rope!

Wow. That is one naked woman.

Why is she sitting on a chair in the shower?

Note to self: don’t ever sit naked on a chair in a public shower. Gross.

I’m glad the lifeguard didn’t ask for my ID today.

I must look urban.

I wonder if they would’ve stopped Alan.

Wow. The water is WARM.

I bet I’ll overheat.

Sweating in the water is weird.

But it happens.

Why does that sign say “Water Running?”

I don’t SEE any water running.

<Four laps later>

Ah ha! They mean “water running” as in “people running” in the water.

Not the water running.

That’s embarrassing. I’ve been here a half dozen times looking for running water.

That explains why the fat woman always hangs out in this lane and doesn’t swim.

Although actually, she’s not running. She’s water-standing.

I wonder if I’ll get kicked out of this lane?

I am hot.

I wonder if the water tastes saltier because I am sweating?

Is my key still stuck to my head?

<Patting back of head while breast-stroking>

It is! Good!

What would I do if it wasn’t there?

How ironic would that be?

If by trying to protect my stuff, I end up losing the  key.

Which would be worse: having someone steal my stuff because I left the key to my lock on the deck, or not being able to get to my stuff because I tied the key to my goggles and it fell off and disappeared into the pool drain?

Not sure.

Those girls have on the exact same suit.

I wonder if they’re on a team together?

If they are, then it’s not a good team because I’m faster than them.

I wonder if the lifeguard would actually notice if someone drowned?

Are they allowed to talk on their cell phones on duty?

I bet they are breaking the rules.

<Scanning bottom of pool to make sure no swimmers need to be rescued.>

How weird that I can’t wait to get out of the water to cool down.

I bet that’s why that woman was sitting on a chair in the shower: heat stroke.

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