Tag Archives: book club

The best laid plans…

27 Jul

Last night I arrived at Holly’s apartment for book club, only to find her in the kitchen, holding a huge watermelon.

“Here,” she gestured toward her laptop. “Look at this site and see if you see anything easy on it that I can make.”

The website featured watermelon carvings that looked pretty professional. “Um… you’re going to try to make one of these for book club?” I clarified.

She nodded. “I hate watermelon. But I thought it would be refreshing. And I could make it look cool.”

“You think you can pull this off in 15 minutes? Because people are going to be here soon and they look kind of complicated,” I was impressed by her ambition.

Again she nodded, then, turning to me, she said, “You know, I think I’ll make a boat and put this pineapple top on it like a tail!”

And as she said this, behind her, in what seemed to be slow motion, the watermelon proceeded to roll off the counter and land on the floor, where it broke into two chunks and splatted juice everywhere:

Kind of looks like a crime scene, no?

“Well, I think that makes the decision easier,” I told her.

“Did I mention?” she responded, “I fucking hate watermelon.”

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Try not to get jealous of these awesome product ideas.

2 Feb

Not sure how the topic came up, but at book club last night we had a rather vivid discussion of camel toe. If you’re the only person in America who doesn’t know what camel toe is, for your edification: it’s when a woman’s pants are hiked up so they reveal the detailed terrain of her crotch. It looks like a camel toe; hence the name.

I can’t quite bring myself to insert a photo of camel toe here, but if you’re still not getting it, I recommend doing a Google image search on the word. The results are spot-on.

Anyway, once we were on the topic, one of the girls mentioned that they actually sell gym clothes that are reinforced in the crotch area to prevent camel toe at the gym. That prompted a whole discussion of a line of feminine apparel products we could brand.

First would be a female cup intended to keep that area looking like a Barbie. We would call that one “Camel-No.”

Second would be pads that keep your nipples from popping through your clothes (since bras don’t always provide enough coverage). These would be called, “Nipp-ins.”

Finally, although we’re not sure of anyone who is embarrassed by the contours of their belly button showing through their tops, we thought it was a good way to round out the collection. The belly button patch would be named, the “Belly butt-off.”

Oh, you might roll your eyes, but I bet the girl that invented Spanx got the same reaction. And she’s now a bazillionaire.

Besides, you’re probably just a wee bit jealous. I mean, while your book club devotes hours to dissecting “Jane Eyre,” mine is discussing camel toe and new business ideas.

I think we all know which club is more interesting.

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