Tag Archives: Yoga

A Tip for the Yogis

27 Nov
Little Kitteh says “Namewste.”

For the yoga teachers who read my blog, let me offer you a tip: Keep the chanting simple.

We usually open and close class with a single group “OM.” I’ll admit, the first time I attended a yoga class, it freaked me out. For a minute I thought I’d accidentally joined a cult and they were going to shave my hair off while my eyes were closed.

But then I started to dig it. There’s something pretty powerful about people united in purpose, joining their voices together. It’s a good reminder of the interconnectedness of all life.

So now I’m cool with an OM, or even three OMs if we have an enthusiastic instructor, though sometimes I can’t stop my mind from focusing on the one clearly tone deaf person who seems to be willfully trying to create discord. (<–BTW, just me or does it seem like that word should be spelled “dischord?”)

However, one thing I am decidedly NOT cool with are the instructors who try to get all creative and work in full chants. I’ll use what is perhaps the simplest of chants to explain why chants – in general – are a bad idea.

Let’s take, “Om. Shanti. Shanti. Shanti.” It’s an invocation of peace, which is nice in theory. And the words are simple and easy to remember. The thing that makes it a mess is that the first two “shantis” go down tonally (like “Mary” in “Mary Had a Little Lamb) but the third “shanti” goes up.

While that seems pretty simple, inevitably there will be a new person in class who doesn’t know that. They try to play along and go with the crowd. They are timid on the first “Shanti” but then more confident on the second one since it’s a repetition of the first. But then, just when they’ve worked themselves up to full participation and go to belt out that third “Shanti,” the rest of the class throws a curve ball.

Now do you understand why it's called Porky Piggin?

It’s like we all told the person it was “No Pants Friday” but then when he shows up Porky Piggin, the rest of us are fully clothed.

This exact thing happened today, and the poor dude who got orphaned on the third “Shanti” scrambled to try to get his pitch to match the rest of the class. The result was that he sounded like Peter Brady when his voice was changing. And it struck me as ridiculously funny. So I started laughing. To the point where I had tears coming out my eyes.

When we opened our eyes and bowed to say “Namaste” (meaning “the light in me bows to the light in you”), I remained face-down on my mat, shaking with laughter. Someone else from class is probably home right now, writing her own blog entry about the crazy girl that was so moved by her practice, she wept.

I guess it depends how you define “moved.”

List: 2 things that are more terrifying than expected.

23 Jul

Surprisingly Terrifying Thing #1

I would like to know why this even exists.

A few weeks ago I must’ve accidentally switched the ring tone for one of the alarms on my iPhone. I use it as my alarm clock in the mornings, and it generally wakes me with a few gently strummed guitar chords.

This morning, however, it was a harp. That might sound soothing, but when you’ve been up since 4:30 on a Saturday because you couldn’t sleep and you’re all sweaty and overheated from trying to squeeze in a three mile walk in record setting temperatures, trust me: hearing a loud harp coming from the general direction of your bedroom makes you think that either you’re on the brink of nervous collapse, or there’s a cat burglar with an angel obsession entering your condo.

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I think my yoga instructor was Brittany Pierce.

3 Apr

Confession: I’m an avid follower of Glee. It’s not for the plots (though I have been impressed with they way they’ve woven gay acceptance into the storyline) and it’s not for the singing (not a big fan of Journey, thanks.).

What’s left? Well, Brittany, of course. If you don’t understand what’s compelling about her, I’ll save you some time: it’s her lines. She is the master of ditzy deadpan.

"I'm pretty sure my cat's been reading my diary."

So it makes me happy when life resembles celluloid and I run into someone who is Brittany-esque. Which is why my Saturday morning yoga class was pretty much awesome. I think my instructor was Brittany S. Pierce.

For starters, she was pretty bad at giving us clear directions, and I’m sure the newer students were scratching their heads through a lot of the sequences. But she called everything out with such exuberance and cheer that it was hard to get frustrated with her. She walked around grinning.

“You guys are doing awesome!” she encouraged us, right before telling us to, “Put your shoulder on your hip… um… I mean thigh!”

And there was definitely more than one, “Step forward with your left foot. I mean your OTHER left foot!”

It was like playing Twister with Gumby.

At some point, the sun came out and we heard her exclaim, “Oh look! The sun! Hi, Sun!”

While most yoga teachers use the sanskrit names for the poses (for example “chaturanga” is essentially a push-up), she didn’t even try. In fact, not only did she not use the sanskrit names, she didn’t use the standard English names either.

At one point she wanted us to lift into Virabhadrasana, known in English as Warrior Three. But instead of calling it either of those things, she said, “Now everybody do airplane!!” We all looked around at each other, confused. She beamed at us and said, “You know, AIRPLANE…” as she lifted up into this pose:

Image Source

But unlike every other yoga instructor I had, when she attempted this pose she couldn’t keep her balance. She immediately began wobbling around, and instead of the rest of us following her lead, we all just stood there and watched her as she toe-heeled her way around on her mat trying to keep from falling.

“Oh my gosh!” She exclaimed. “I drank coffee this morning and it’s totally affecting my balance! This is terrible!” Then, after a pause, “Oh wait. It’s not terrible. You’re never supposed to say something is terrible in yoga. But I don’t know what it is. It’s crazy!”

She finally wiped out, just as she finished her rant about coffee.

And then it was our turn to lift off into “airplane.” I think it’s the only time I’ve ever been smiling when I took flight.

Thank you sir, may I have another?

7 Mar

I’ve been practicing yoga pretty regularly for a few years now. For the first three years, I was a member at Flow Yoga Center in Logan Circle. It’s a great studio – very homey/crunchy with friendly teachers who go out of their way to learn your name. But when my membership expired in November, I decided to explore a few of the other local studios to see if I could find an equally good fit closer to my house.

I’ve now tried two other studios – Tranquil Space in Dupont and Stroga in Adams Morgan. It’s actually been a fun experiment, and by taking advantage of new student specials or online coupons, I’ve saved a ton of money in the process. (Unlimited monthly yoga is usually around $125/mo. I’ve spent an average of $45/mo during this process without scaling back my yoga at all.)

Anyway, all of this is just preamble to tell you about this morning’s yoga experience. As soon as I signed up for the class online, I regretted it. It’s called “Signature Stroga” and billed as an intense hour of strength-building cardio. Not exactly what I was feeling for a rainy (read: lazy) Sunday morning, but the timing was ideal.

So I went. And it was every bit as brutal as I expected. The class vaguely resembled an aggressive vinyasa class, but with an exponential number of push-ups, squats, and lunges. The instructor, a woman named (no lie) Olga, issued commands with a Russian accent and was oddly cheerful for someone  who seemed to be striving to make us pee blood before the hour was over.

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Random Thought: I need some transcendental medication.

29 Nov

Over the weekend I started battling some kind of bug. Since I have to travel for work this week, I decided to throw everything at it.

I slept a ton. I drank a pitcher of orange juice. I doubled my vitamin intake. I practically bathed in green tea. I flushed my sinuses with a neti pot. And I went to yoga for a restorative practice with the thought that it might help stimulate my lymph production. (Um, yes. I might not go in for astrology or some of the other freaky shit, but I definitely will give a nod to natural/holistic remedies when it comes to health.)

So last night I went to yoga and had a few very random – and not very zen – thoughts. Without further ado…

Ugh. This is stupid. I should be home under a blanket.

I wonder if I’ll make anyone else sick?

I should try not to look sick so people won’t get upset with me for being here.

I bet I have “sick breath.”

I’m really glad they have a bowl of lifesavers in each classroom.

That’s a nice touch.

They should also have a bowl of BeanO.

How funny would that be?

I wonder if that guy with uncontrollable farts switched studios.

Or maybe he wasn’t embarrassed. He didn’t seem to be.

If I lost control like that, I think I’d be mortified.

I wonder if anyone would recognize me after that?

I don’t think I’d recognize that guy in a police line-up.

I guess I could always cut my hair rather than switch studios.

It’s funny how people often identify people based on their hair.

And now, as I look at this, I realize: 80% of my blog content is about farts, yoga or farts at yoga. Perhaps in 2011 I will rename it “PithyPants and Stinky Mats.”

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