I can make anything a competition.

22 Jun

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I was looking down, chin to chest, so my stylist could clean up the back of my hairline, when one of his co-workers shouted from across the salon, “Look, Tom – we’re doing the same haircut!”

Without moving my head, I lifted my eyes to the mirror, trying to get a look at his customer. And there she sat, across the room, half hidden by a support beam, her head tilted to the side while he worked on giving her bob a straight line along her chin.

Clearly no one “owns” a haircut. But until that moment, it hadn’t occurred to me that my haircut wasn’t a unique masterpiece that only Tom could create. As soon as I realized this, I could not stop checking out the other woman.

Is it the EXACT same cut? 

How’s her color? 

Does she have more or less hair than I do to work with?

Is her hair as straight as mine?

Let’s see her face – does this cut look good on her head?

Who wears it better? 

Is her guy better than Tom?

Is Tom faster than her guy?

Is speed actually desirable in this situation? 

Does her guy use clippers?

Is it better if he only uses scissors? 

And when Tom released me from my chair with a rock-solid cut while she still sat, waiting for her hairline to be cleaned up, I realized: I had won.

It was all I could do to not high-five Tom, then walk over and – standing in front of the woman – point to my hair and say, “Suck it.”

Wouldn’t that be an interesting way to finish your haircut? Having a stranger come beat their chest with pride in front of you? I’m actually a bit sorry I didn’t do it.

Also? From now on I’m going to refer to Tom as my Hair Jockey. And yes, I realize what that makes me.

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4 Responses to “I can make anything a competition.”

  1. Kimberly Pugliano (@GisSilent) June 22, 2013 at 9:44 pm #

    Hahaha! Growing up, I was always Beth’s sister (I’m 2 years older) or Tony’s cousin (he was 1 grade ahead of me). I HATED it. On a whim she Googled herself and the first site that popped up was mine. I told her, “Your MY sister now, BITCH.” But I’m still her sister.

    • pithypants June 27, 2013 at 7:48 am #

      See? And people think blogs are useless! Disagree – they’re awesome for ending childhood sibling rivalry disputes.

  2. thesinglecell July 2, 2013 at 7:46 pm #

    I challenge. Do either of them use razors? Or texturizing scissors? I’m envisioning a throw-down with blades. Which will obviously end spectacularly. (Define “spectacularly” in whatever way you choose.)

    • pithypants July 2, 2013 at 7:56 pm #

      Tom uses clippers and texturizing scissors. But no blade. Which is a good thing, because while he’s quite the “artiste,” he’s also one moody mutha. However, if we’re going to go toe-to-toe (or hair-to-hair), I’m willing to allow all manner of tools – if it means I’ll win. (Define “win” in whatever way YOU choose.)

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